Where are you?
In a non slutty way
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize