By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize