Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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