just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
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EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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