you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You ruined the universe
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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