If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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