i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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