You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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