Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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