Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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