she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
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The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
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Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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