He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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