I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize