Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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