and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
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Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
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I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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