She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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