So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
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Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
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Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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