it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
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You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
The cops high fived after they tackled you
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize