If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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