Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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