oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize