she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Randomize