There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
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