Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize