tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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