im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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