I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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