I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
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All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
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My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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