who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
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he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
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He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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