My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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