why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize