He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
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they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
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