made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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