The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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