If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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