cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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