What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
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You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
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How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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