Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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