Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
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I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
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Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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