Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
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I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
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You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
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