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You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
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