We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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