my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like giving head to a cactus.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
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