Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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