True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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