we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
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