Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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