She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
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Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
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No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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