yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
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