"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
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tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
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In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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